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My audiologist tells me that I have "extreme" hearing loss. I have experienced loss for several years and the loss has gotten worse. I am on my third generation of hearing aids. The current ones are a notable improvement, but my hearing is far from perfect. One-on-one conversations are pretty good, a group of three or four sitting close together are fine, usually. I am lost at a dinner table of six or eight, sometimes even four are a challenge, especially in a noisy dining hall or restaurant. I withdrew from an important committee at our church because I could not hear two or three of the members. In some instances I can not hear people at all, in many cases I will miss a key word. Motion pictures are a challenge, not because of the volume, but because of the articulation. Casual conversation in a group is lost on me almost totally. I know people are talking, but it comes through as chatter, I simply cannot detect the words. I could go on, but you get the drift. How does this make me feel? That’s what I mostly want to share. The words that come to mind are lonely, isolated, excluded, stupid, and incompetent, to name a few. For the last several months, my wife and I have lived in a lovely retirement community where the opportunities for social and other interconnections abound. Repartee and relaxed conversation at dinner, or waiting for a concert to begin, leaves me feeling lost at sea. I go to a lovely dinner party and cannot follow the conversation. While the hearing loss has reduced my commitments, I am still involved. At one time I had hoped to be a small group leader. That is impossible for me now. Maybe I can shift my focus and rely more on the written word. Maybe there are other forms of service. While achievement will not be the measure of my life, perhaps fruitfulness will be. Jesus said (Mark 4:26-27) "The kingdom of God is like this. A man scatters seed on the land; he goes to bed at night and gets up in the morning, and the seed sprouts and grows, how he does not know." I am trying to be faithful to God’s promise. I am learning to be patient. I am trying to live a life of gratitude. Louis F. Brakeman, September 2006
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Old Age is not for Sissies